


Love Bites

by Renian



Series: Marauders: The Sitcom [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Beards (Relationships), Cliche Montages About Wolfstar Making Out, Drinking, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Full Moon, M/M, Mischief, Pranks, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14064387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renian/pseuds/Renian
Summary: In this episode of the Marauders sitcom, as a new secret relationship between Sirius and Remus grows more intense, questions from their friends make things more complicated. The pair goes to drastic measures to be certain that their secret remains undiscovered.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON MARAUDERS:
> 
> Sirius gave James a firm clap on the back. “Hey man, it’s only the 2,782nd time Lily's rejected you.” He said with mostly mocking support, “For all you know time number 2,783 could be the winner.”
> 
> "What went down in that closet doesn’t have to happen again.” Remus forced himself to look at the way his friend’s face shifted. “I’m already a werewolf, Sirius. I can’t be a poof too. I just can’t.”
> 
> Remus wrapped his hand around the Sirius', leaning into him as he slowly stood. When their faces were no more than a finger’s width apart, Remus whispered, “Are you alright with this happening?”  
> “Yes.”  
> Their lips crashed together.
> 
>  
> 
> TWO WEEKS LATER

 

**Friday Morning - Hogwarts Great Hall**

 

Sirius entered breakfast late, a flustered walk replacing his typical strut. His tie hung loose over his shoulders, his shirt unbuttoned at the top and long, uncharacteristically untamed hair covered much of his face. He hastily took a seat across from James, who stared in shock and confusion. Ignoring his best friend, he turned to the boy sitting next to him as he sloppily smeared jam on toast. “Remus, how are you doing today?”

The werewolf let a small smile pull at the corner of his lips, but didn’t peer up from the book his nose was buried in. “No offense Sirius, but I think you’re the one everyone is concerned about right now.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at the other boy, who seemed to be unfairly talented in the art of nonchalance. Remus knew bloody well why he’d arrived so flustered, as it had been entirely his fault. “You know what I mean. You know what happens in a few days.”

“We already asked Remus, mate. He’s alright.” James intruded before Sirius could avoid the conversation any further. His best friend’s encyclopedia-esque knowledge of Sirius made it annoyingly easy. “What we want to know now is what happened to you this fine morning.”

He felt his face grow redder under the other boy’s interrogation and reached for his glass of pumpkin juice with one hand as the other rubbed the back of his neck of it’s own free will. “I don’t know what you’re referring to, James.” Sirius took a small sip and turned to his best friend, who had a concerning grin spreading across his face. 

“What’s that on your neck then?” James inquired, causing Peter to perk up from his sausage and eggs to peer into Sirius’ open collar. The boys fell into laughter when Peter moved the long black hair away from Sirius’ neck to reveal a deep purple love bite just above his collarbone. 

His face now bright red, Sirius slapped away the smaller boy’s hand. “Fine” His eyes darted to stare at Remus briefly, who was somehow still reading the leatherbound volume in his hand despite the tremors of deep chuckles that shook both his body and book. “Last night I was,” He cleared his throat and turned a glaring gaze onto James, “rather indisposed, and I didn’t get too much sleep.” 

Another chorus of laughter. “We noticed.” Peter stated as he grabbed Sirius’ toast and took a bite of it. “What I think we’d all like to know is who’s the bird that’s got you so flustered.”

James nodded in Peter’s direction. “We do, after all, have to insure that she’s the right gal for our comrade.”

All the boys stared Sirius’ way expectantly, and he found their eyes to be oddly piercing in a way he’d never seen them before. He saw Remus shake his head no out of the corner of his eye. He stammered in an effort to come up with a convincing lie, but all he could think of, Merlin help him, was the way he’d spent many nights for the past week.

 

-

 

**One Week Ago - Hogwarts Library**

The marauders sat around a secluded table within the shelves of the herbology section, gathering research for a prank they were planning. Sirius was scouring a transfiguration book for a specific spell he recalled from third year, or at least he was until he felt a leg wrap around his own underneath the table. Catching his breath he peered up to see Remus glance up from his own book, a small wicked grin on his face as he raised an eyebrow. 

All of a sudden, James began scouring the table for one of their favorite volumes, which came in handy when one wanted to summon mischief. “Pete, did you lose any of the books?” He asked, shuffling and peeking under the pieces of parchment and grimoires that were scattered across the table.

Peter checked his stack, eyes widening when he saw one was missing. “Oh, uhh,” He panicked, glancing in the direction of Madame Pince’s desk and his hands slowly grew more frantic in search of the text. There were few people that scared him as much as that woman.

“C’mon Pete, maybe Pince won’t rip us a new one if we go together.” James sighed as he rose to retrieve the lost book.

When the pair was out of sight, Remus pulled the missing volume from his book bag and stared at the other with an evil quirk to his smile. “We have five minutes.” 

Sirius wasted no time in grabbing the other boy by his robes and pulling him in for a kiss. Remus, who’d been all too ready for this, wrapped one surprisingly strong arm around him and tangled his free hand in the other boy’s hair. Sirius held in a moan and moved to sit on the other boy’s lap, straddling his hips. Remus trailed kisses down his jaw and onto his neck and he felt like he was slipping into another existence until the pair was interrupted by approaching footsteps. 

Sirius’ eyelids were still fluttering in pleasure when he felt the werewolf’s slender hands placing him back in his own seat just before James and Peter returned.

Remus picked up the book he’d secreted away. “Is this the volume you were looking for?” He asked them far too innocently.

 

-

 

**Tuesday - First Floor Corridor**

 

Sirius slowly made his way through the darkened corridor, having just been released from detention with McGonagall. He stepped a bit quicker, noting how close it was to curfew, and that his first true love Minnie would give him another detention if he was found wandering the halls after hours instead of heading to his dormitory. 

As he made his way towards the Gryffindor common room, Sirius allowed his mind to wander in as many directions as possible to distract from the nervous silence of the empty school. In his haze, he barely registered the long arm that swept out of an abandoned classroom and quickly snatched his hand.

Remus stared at him as he locked the door, eyes gleaming. “Up for another round?”

“Merlin yes” The words were barely out of his mouth when the other boy pushed him up against the cool stone wall and crashed their lips together.

 

-

 

**Last Night - Gryffindor Tower**

 

Remus peered at the note that had been slipped onto his pillow, a small piece of parchment neatly folded with letters carefully penned in Sirius’ unmistakable perfect cursive. 

_ You won the last round, now come claim your prize. _

_ It waits for you in the place where everything is hidden. _

It took all of five minutes for the werewolf to make his way to the room of requirement where his lips could find Sirius’. “So what’s my prize?” Remus mumbled softly between kisses, his voice thick and deep.

“I thought it was obvious.” Sirius breathed, barely able to speak while the other boy had his lips on his skin. “It’s me.” Sirius pulled Remus back in to kiss his-

-

**Friday Morning - Hogwarts Great Hall (Again)**

 

“Oi!” A click of James’ fingers brought Sirius back to his current predicament. “Mate, getting all dreamy-eyed about her isn’t an answer.”

Sirius cleared his throat sheepishly as he realized that he’d let his daydreams get the best of him. “Right, uh, sorry.” He peered along the table in search for the face of a convincing fake girlfriend. He spotted a figure across the table saunter over and plop herself down next to Lily Evans, and before he could help it Sirius heard himself hastily blurt out, “Marlene McKinnon, alright?”

“Ooooh,” James nodded, waggling his eyebrows. “Sirius fancies the tough girls.”

Peter chuckled between bites of someone else’s scrambled eggs. “So when do we get to see the two love birds together?”

“Oh yes,” James scooted forward dramatically, then paused with a suspicious look in his eye. “You know, there is a trip to Hogsmeade this weekend. If we ever wanted to interrogate our comrade’s new girlfriend over questionably obtained firewhisky, I daresay there may be no better time.”

“Why James, I would have to agree with you.” Peter followed along.

The pair of scheming boys then stared expectantly at Remus. “It’s truly a golden opportunity that cannot be missed,” he returned their gaze until the two turned their satisfied smirks back to their breakfasts. 

‘Fuck!” Sirius mouthed to his lover, feeling somehow more screwed than he had the previous night (and this time it wasn’t even in the fun way).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MARAUDERS WILL RETURN AFTER THESE MESSAGES FROM OUR SPONSORS
> 
> Sleekeazy's Hair Potion  
> Have trouble taming your mane?  
> Two drops of Sleekeazy's tames even the most bothersome barnet.
> 
> Introducing Skiving Snackboxes!  
> They're the snacks that make you sick!  
> Get out of class whenever you want!  
> Prank your friends!  
> Available in person or by owl from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW BACK TO MARAUDERS

**Later That Day - Gryffindor Common Room**

 

Lily didn’t notice James had entered the common room until it was too late, and the boy was awkwardly strutting over to her table. “Hellooo Evans.”

She didn’t bother looking up from her assignments, her quill stilly flitting about on the parchment as she wrote her potions essay. “What.”

“Well Evans, as much as I love it when you play hard to get, I actually just wanted to ask where Marlene likes to go in Hogsmeade.” He smirked, plopping himself in the seat next to hers with his elbow on the table.

Lily froze for a moment. “Wait, why do you care?” She asked, peering up from her parchment, utterly confused.

“Well it seems,” James said as he started casually rifling through her books, flipping between the pages of the one closest to him, “that your best friend and mine have shacked up." He seemed almost smug. "We’re taking her out with us, and despite what you might think, I don’t want to drive Sirius’ new girlfriend away.”

He flipped all the way to the back of the book. “Ugh, sad ending, Evans! I didn’t take you for the angsty type.”

She snatched the book away from him with a glare. “That is a text on the medicinal uses of bezoars, you prat. I don’t have much confidence in your intelligence, but I know for a fact that you can read.” She said, exasperated.

Before James had a chance to reply, she sighed to herself and turned to face him, her voice taking up a surprisingly sincere tone. “Marl loves The Three Broomsticks. Get her a few rounds of butterbeer and she may actually come to not despise you.” Without another word, Lily turned back to her essay as if James had never appeared at her side.

When she heard the boy thank her and leave, she discreetly peered around the room. The encounter didn’t seem real. An oddly endearing James Potter was not something she had known to ever exist. She took a moment to contemplate her own sanity, or lack thereof, before she rolled her eyes and forced herself to refocus on the essay that was due soon.

-

**Meanwhile - In The Library**

 

Marlene was perched in her favourite secluded corner of the library, a transfiguration assignment on the table in front of her when she heard a whispered conversation slowly grow louder and stop directly behind her. She softly sighed in annoyance at not only the intrusion into her private time, but also the fact that neither of the two speaking actually knew how to whisper.

_“Sirius, you need to tell her, you got us into this mess!”_

_“Hey, I wouldn’t have had to make up that lie if you team up with James and Pete to put me on the spot.”_

_“No, I was just doing an adequate job of keeping our secret, something I THOUGHT you were also capable of.”_

_“THOUGHT?! Oh tha-”_

“You two know I can hear everything you’re saying, right?” Marlene turned to see the pair frozen with fingers pointed at one another, as they sheepishly faced her. “If you’re going to say something, one of you better bloody well say it.”

“Uhh,” Sirius fumbled with his words until Remus gently pushed him in Marlene’s direction. “I may have told James and Peter that we’ve been shagging in the hopes of hiding my probably-way-too-gay secret relationship with err…” He trailed off hid-sentence to peer over at the other boy, blushing and clearing his throat as the pair of them struggled to maintain their composure.

Marlene raised an eyebrow quizzically. “And what am I supposed to do about the situation you’ve gotten yourselves into?”

Remus looked down, his hand flying up to rub nervously on the back of his neck. “Well, they other boys sort of, want to hang out with you as, well Sirius’ girlfriend.” He looked up at her with a tense expression on his face, as if sensing that she was about to refuse to help. “You just have to go to Hogsmeade with us for long enough that they’ll believe you two are a couple.”

Marlene’s eyes looked back and forth between the two of them and their pleading smiles. She sighed. “I’ll do it.” The boys let out a sigh of relief and she held up a finger. “But only on the condition that we ‘break up’ by the end of our ‘date.”’

The pair nodded eagerly. “Deal.” They responded before quickly shuffling away, Remus grabbing Sirius' hand as they made their way back through the shelves of semi-sentient books.

Marele waited carefully, peering at the pair as they left until they were out of sight and their footsteps grew distant. She then leant down, her long blonde hair grazing the floor as she looked under the table. “Dorcas, the coast is clear.”

She sat back up, and the other girl’s head poked out from her hiding spot. “Finally. Now can you get back to what’s really important, and kiss me?” She asked, sitting on the table and pulling the other girl in by her red and gold tie.

“But what if my boyfriend finds out I’m cheating on him?” Marlene deadpanned before the other girl stifled her soft giggle with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MARAUDERS WILL CONTINUE AFTER THE BREAK
> 
> Introducing new Red Bull Productivity Potion (TM)!  
> Why do it normally, when this energy drink literally gives you wings?!
> 
> "Hey Jeremy, what are you reading there?"  
> "Oh nothing Mum it's-"  
> *GASP* "WHAT DOES THAT NOTE SAY?!"  
> Have someone you need to get in trouble?  
> Try Zonko's new Not-So-Blank-Parchment: for the notes that your enemies can't read, but their mothers can.


End file.
